Fairy Tales

I just finished watching How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. I've seen it a million times, and to tell the truth I had just turned it on to watch Law and Order after it was over. It's a cute movie, and it got me thinking, even though this movie isn't extremely romantic... what about all of those other movies that are? How many women truely get that fairy tale relationship?

Don't get me wrong, I am truely happy in my relationship with Aaron. Of course after two and a half years we do have arguements, but nothing too bad. Even from the beginning though, it wasn't the fairy tale... probably because I really had already known him from work.

So, I went in search of a statistic that would tell me but I didn't find one. Oh well... I highly doubt many people get that ;-)

Exam

My exam scores were posted today....

I passed all 4 sections of my test!!!!!!!!!

Virtual Trip

I joined a walking challenge to add to my exercises. The basic goal of the challenge is to walk to another member's home town.

Person who joined before me lives in Croswell, MI which brings me to a goal of walking 1218 miles. There isn't a time limit. My ticker is on my side bar.

Today I walked 2.5 miles, which leaves me with 1215.5 miles to go, and that puts me in Clearwater, Fl.

Wedding Dress Scare

I got my wedding dress yesterday. Aaron texted me at work, and I was so excited for a tiny minute I thought about telling the office I needed to go lol. While I was working, just sitting there making sure no one cheated on a test, I was imagine the box it comes in. Would it be really heavy? Would it be really big?

To my surprise when I got home... I start to look a round for this huge box and I come across an envelope no bigger than a manilla envelope. It wasn't the same because it has stuffing in it but still... quite small. It wasn't even heavy either. My heart started pounding, and I could feel the tears coming to my eyes. I had made sure I researched the ebay seller and I was confident, just a little nervous, when I finally bought it. The seller was in china.. so that was were my nervousness came from. So.. I start cutting the tape off of the envelope and open it up.

There it was folded into this little square no bigger than 10 inches on each side. I took it out of it's protective wrapping and felt the fabric. It didn't feel cheap. I started to unfold my dress and out of nowhere it started to feel really heavy... what's up with that? Anyway, completely unfolded... my dress is gorgeous! I stepped into the dress, but couldn't try it on because it's a tie up back and strapless... plus I don't have the right bra yet. The only problem is that some of the beading is a little loose, but no one will ever know, and if I feel like it later I can just sew them on a little tighter.

I've been really slacking on my diet. I haven't forgotten about it, but if I feel like having an extra snack then I do... so I'm gonna step it up. I have about 5 weeks left, and I don't really have to lose any weight, I already fit into the dress. I just don't want to risk gaining weight... and if I lose some weight in the process it wouldn't kill me... my dress will still fit.. remember it ties up ;-)

So... soon I'm gonna go buy my bra and have my friend Laura help me get into the dress. I really should have my mother do it because she needs to learn how to help me, but I told Laura she could help me anyway...

No pictures until my wedding ;-P

I feel a change coming on in my life. Yes, I'm getting married, but that isn't it. I'm not sure what the change is. Maybe it's the fact that the summer is coming and my job will be ending for a few months. Maybe it's the fact that after we get married we'll be trying for another baby. I don't know, but it feels exciting, and I feel restless. I find myself wanting something to occupy the free time that I all of a sudden have even though not much has changed.

I'm down to one last class to finish for this semester, and it will be finished with in the next few weeks. I don't have an exam to study for anymore. AJ has decided to be more independant in his play. Substituting is starting to become scarce as the teacher are winding down the school year.

Here is what I've been doing to keep myself occupied:
Cleaning and Laundry
Teaching AJ how to chase me
Playing with AJ when he will let me
Surfing the internet
I downloaded a free trial of World of Warcraft and I fart around on it a little bit.
I started reading a new book.
School work

My mom called me earlier today and asked if AJ could spend the night. I have to say that I was quite surprised because I don't think she's ever asked.. I'm the one who usually asks. Even though he's only gone for the night, I still miss him. My house is quiet, and I wonder how I managed when I didn't have him. It's boring... and I don't miss my babyfree life! Usually when he goes to spend the night I have something planned, and getting ready for that usually keeps me busy so I guess that's why I haven't really noticed before. My mom called me not too long ago to tell me what he was up to, and he said Ay-o which in his language if you haven't figured it out is hello. Then he handed the phone back to her. I don't think he quite figures out that there is someone else on the other line even when you talk to him, but it's still cute.

In other news, I stopped taking my hormone pill Provera on Friday. My monthly visitor who hasn't shown up yet this year should be arriving in the next few days, and hopefully that will be the last time I have to take Provera. I guess I won't find out until May about that, but with my luck I'll still be late and get it the day I leave to get married!

I actually can't believe how close it is getting! It really is very exciting. My dress is still in customs, probably because it's Sunday ;-) and I can't wait to get it.

I can't wait to get married period! It's going to be fun, and I can't wait to be called Mrs. Aaron Fleek. A few people have already started calling him my husband, and I've heard acouple people at his work call me his wife. It's sounds wierd even when I type it.

Aaron and I talk a lot now about having another baby. We both think that the best time would be at some point after the wedding, but since it is so close to the wedding now anyway, we don't think it would necessarily be too bad if it happened now. The only bad thing that I could think of at this point about getting pregnant now is that AJ would have to share is birth month. I'm not too sure I'd want to do that. Everyone that I know right now that has two kids has either two boys or two girls, no one has a boy and a girl. I hope I break that though :-) I'd want a girl.

I have to say that when I was pregnant about AJ, I couldn't really decide what I wanted. I know Aaron wanted a boy from the moment he found out, and I didn't want to disappoint him. I also have taken care of boys, and I know what to do. Girls are a complete unknown to me. I have never once changed a little girls diaper! It's a little intimidating because so much could go wrong if you wipe the wrong way! So, I think I was relieved when I found out AJ was a boy.

All of this seems so close, but really far all at the same time. I really can't wait!

Small Teeny Update

I just wanted to announce that my wedding dress is on its way through customs and I should be getting it in a few days!!!!!

I am so very tired right now! ...and I slept all day.

Yesterday was physically and emotionally exhausting. I went to visit my grandfather who is in the hospital because of extreme pain from a broken arm... and in a matter of a few hours it went bad really quickly.

I think I mentioned it before, but my grandfather has lung cancer. We found out in January that it came back. Just a few days ago we found out that his cancer has spread to the bone, and then he fell and broke his arm exactly in the spot where the cancer was. They went to the hospital and he decided to go home. My uncles were taking care of him, and I guess the pain was so bad that he was getting morphine every hour. So, Sunday afternoon they decided to take him to the hospital.

He was admitted into the orthopedic ward, and I guess he was very cranky because of all of the pain. Yesterday, at around 3 pm I went to see him in the hospital and acouple of my family members were there. He was sleeping and no one could really seem to wake him up for very long. The doctor had explained that it was a side affect of the narcotics, and that they could reverse it but then he'd be in more pain. We decided to let him sleep it off.

So, other than that everything seemed ok. Of course he has cancer and the cancer is spreading and we all know that his time left here will not be long, but other than that and the broken arm all is well. Then my grandfather started to scream out that he was freezing and so cold, and we start to pile blankets on him. I think I one point he had three sheets and 2 blankets, and he was still shaking and shivering, but he was in and out of sleep during that time. Since he has diabetes and wasn't eating his blood sugars where really low, and my aunt was able to feed him a little bit. Shortly after though he threw it all up. We all started to get kind of worried and had the nurse come in. He didn't have a temperature and his blood sugar was still getting lower even though they had given him some stuff to up it. At this point I was sort of getting upset because we had to go get the nurse, and she was really good and very nice, but I didn't understand why he was in this hospital room when he couldn't press the nurses button. He definitely needed to be in a higher level unit because he needed a nurse to be watching him, and I'm glad that we decided that someone should be with him at all times.

My grandmother and aunt ended up leaving me with my grandfather for a little bit to go smoke, and I was trying to take care of him. He started to scream about his arm, and I went to get the nurse and he was was very delirious. Saying some pretty wierd things, and while I thought it was kinda warm in the room he said that he was beyond freezing. They took his temperature again and even though like 30 min before he was fine his temperature was 101 and then 30 min later it was 103. It really started to get scary. His blood oxygen levels were very low, and they kept cranking up the oxygen and nothing was working. The doctor said that they were going to move him to ICU, and I called my grandmother on the phone to come back to the room. They called a lung doctor to do some tests, and it was decided that he had pneumonia and that he might have an infection called sepsis. Every doctor that came in to look at him and talk to us asked us if he had a DNR and if not we needed to make a decision and soon. We started to call all of the local family to the hospital to see him and make this decision.

My grandfather was finally moved to CCU at about 10, and all of the family arrived at about 9:30. It took 5 hours to move him, and the main reason it took so long was because my mother works in ICU (where they originally want to move him) and they didn't want to compromise that. It really doesn't matter because she works in both places, but really they should have just moved him and worried about her work schedule later.

At about 11:00 pm my family decided to sit down and make their decision... and I was originally told that I could be in on it, but then they decided that it wasn't appropriate. This made me angry... I'm not a child... I was there when things were getting bad and only lost it once in the stairwell when I was calling my mother to get to the hospital. I have an opinion and it is this: He has cancer, and his cancer has spread, he's took sick to do tests to see how far it has spread but we know that it's at least spread to the bones. We also know that this time he cannot be cured, it is terminal. If he starts to die, why keep him alive just to have cancer eat him away even more. The doctors keep saying how painful cancer is... it would be inhumane to let him live through that pain... even if the doctors say that they'll give him pain meds to help. BUT... I don't get to say it because I was not allowed to discuss it. Even now, I'm not entirely too clear on what the decision was. I followed them all around to see what they decided and no one would talk to me. Finally my aunt sort of told me... since he has pneumonia, they have decided that they don't want him to die from that so if he needs medical intervention for that they will give it to him. They won't shock his heart of to compressions since his bones are so weak that they'll just break, but they will let them use chemicals to keep his heart going. I personally don't agree with that last decision... but again I wasn't allowed in the discussion.

Anyway, after all of that my family started to leave. We had gone up to see my papa and he was a lot better. He was able to remember things, and was wide awake. He was still in pain though. It was decided that my mom, my brother, and I would stay overnight with him.

And I'm going to end it here for tonight. I stayed most of the night with him, but there were a few things that went on which I'll discuss later.

My results

The GK has four sections: essay, reading, english, and math. I took a computer test so that my scores would be graded right away. For obvious reasons though... only three out of the four sections can be graded right away. And for those that don't know what the obvious is... the computer cannot grade the essay. Actually, I guess the rule is that two different people have to read and grade my essay and then they'll find the average.

I was so very nervous while I was waiting for my test results. I ended up going out of the room and I walked up and down this huge hallway twice, talking on the phone to Aaron. When I finally went back into the room the lady behind the desk was printing out my results. She handed me a stack of papers that were turned upside down, explained to me that I won't have my essay results for another two weeks, and that I was only going to recieve a certificate saying that I completed it. For some reason my heart dropped. I knew that wasn't going to have my essay graded but... my ears heard "ONLY". So, I thanked her took my papers and when I turned to leave she say, "Don't be afraid to look at your results." I turned around to look at her, and my heard started pounding so loudly. When I turned it over the first certificate that I saw said that I completed the essay... I fanned out the papers on the desk, and there were four of them. They had a lot of big writing that said my name and the test it was four and the date and some other stuff... and it lettering that was literally half the size of all of the rest of the text the last three papers said... passed. I looked at her and asked her, "Does this mean that I passed?" LOL... duh.. it was the stupidest question I could have asked. She smiled at me and said yep.

The feeling that I felt was so overwhelming. I wanted to scream and dance around. I had been so nervous this past week, and to know I that passed... I just can't describe it. I thanked her and walked out of the room. I called Aaron to tell him but I just started lauging like crazy. As soon as I got to my car I sat in it and start to to squeal and dance around. I'm sure if there were anyone in the parking lot that would have thought that I was crazy. The testing room is inside a bank on the second story with some other offices, so not everyone is there for testing.

And really this is what I have to say about taking the GK... the nervousness that goes a long with it is not worth it. They say that it is just like the 10th grade FCAT. I can't honestly say I remember how easy or hard the FCAT was, but studying for it really helped. Really... I focused all of my testing on math. English, reading, and essay are all stuff that I have to do for college courses, but it's been awhile since I've taken a math class, and I honestly didn't remember a lot of the stuff. Since I really only teach up to fifth grade that is the level that I most comfortable with. I also, took two practise GK math tests, and the practice tests where harder than the real test.

Nervous

It has been seven years since I've last taken a very big exam like I am taking in the morning. That last exam was the FCAT and it didn't even faze me... I don't think at that time I completely realized what an impact it could have on a student. Besides, I wasn't a bad student so it wasn't too big a deal.

This time it is different... this exam tomorrow holds my future. Whether or not I will be accepted into my degree program. God... who knows how I'll act when it comes time for certification. I guess the good news and something to easy my mind is that they usually will accept you into the program if you've attempted the exam... you just can't get very far until it's passed.

The GK has four sections... mostly to do with reading and english, but the fourth section is math. That's the section that has me all nervous. I took a practice test acouple weeks ago and the score that I got was VERY scarey... down right horrible and if that were my exam I would have failed it. So, for a while now I've been studying the FCAT Math starting from 5th grade up to 10th grade. I sort of stopped at the beginning of the 10th grade FCAT because there is just so much there that I know is in my head. I recognize the problems but I can't recall in my head how exactly to solve them. I also didn't need to go through the 5th grade math, but since I substitute 5th grade quite often I like to be familiar with the programs that they use.

So... at 11:00 am in the morning you know we're I'll be... sitting at a computer in a proctored test room taking my very scarey GK exam. Wish me luck!

Late

Late... that is the word that describes me lately. I'm late for everything now a days... even more so when it involves taking AJ out. Here is what I've been late on:

My period <-- by 64 days to be exact
My announcements
To work
To babysitting

Just to name a few.

Yes.. I did say it: I'm late, like The Late. But alas I am not pregnant. Nope :-(
My hormones are fine... had all of them tested and had a blood pregnancy test too. As of this point there is no definite explanation. As far as the doctor can tell and she is pretty sure of it.. I screwed my own body up by taking birth control after I had AJ. I'm pretty upset about it... that birth control was the reason I wasn't able to breastfeed... and now the reason that I can't have a period or get pregnant. And it really has come full circle because hormones screwed up my body and now I'm back on hormones to make it right.

I took a break from my wedding announcements. I hadn't felt like working on them, but I have to start again because they are late on being sent out. I worked awhile on them last night... there is still more work to go though.

Well... I'm babysitting and both babies are tearing up a pile of laundry.. I must go now.