The Messenger

I signed up to be a review for Bethany House publishing about two months ago. You can sign up here. The first book I signed up to receive was "The Messenger" by Siri Mitchell.

The book is a historical fiction set during the Revolutionary War. I'm a huge fan of historical fiction, but I've never read a book set during this era. Here is the book description from Amazon.com. "Hannah Sunderland felt content in her embrace of the Quaker faith ...until her twin brother ran off and joined the army and ended up captured and in jail. Suddenly Hannah's world turns on end. She longs to bring her brother some measure of comfort in the squalid, frigid prison where he remains. But the Quakers believe they are not to take sides, not to take up arms. Can she sit by and do nothing while he suffers? Jeremiah Jones has an enormous task before him. Responsibility for a spy ring is now his, and he desperately needs access to the men in prison, whom they are seeking to free. A possible solution is to garner a pass for Hannah. But while she is fine to the eye, she holds only disdain for him--and agreeing would mean disobeying those she loves and abandoning a bedrock of her faith. With skill and sensitivity, Mitchell tells a story of two unlikely heroes seeking God's voice, finding the courage to act, and discovering the powerful embrace of love." I have to say that this book was so slow to start out with. I had a hard time keeping with it. If it were not for the fact that I was reviewing this book, I may not have finished. But.... I'm glad I did. The author did spend her sweet time setting the book up, but about 3/4 of the way through the book I found that I couldn't put it down. In fact, at the end of the book I was sad to see that it was over. I think she wrapped it up well though. The whole beginning of the book sets up who the characters are and how they are so different from each other, as well as some important parts of their past that will be brought up periodically throughout the book. The middle part focuses a lot on their love/hate relationship as well as how the whole spy thing is going. My favorite part of course is when it started getting good. That was at the end of the book when all of the scoot to the edge of your seat and don't put the book down stuff started to happen. Overall, it was very interesting and I'll be looking for more historical fiction based on this time period. I will also be looking for other books by this author to determine if she'll be an author that I will continue to read. *I did get the copy of this book for free, but otherwise I am not being paid for this review.

I'm back! We'll see how long it last. It's been almost a year since my last post. AJ is four and Emily will be 2 at the end of this month. Let's see, what has happened since I was here last? I got a job as a teacher. AJ started preschool. We've moved like twice, but have found a place that we really really like. Emily is my prissy little princess with a feisty attitude! My friend Hannah was shot and killed. The situation with Hannah is still a very hard subject for me. It's been about two months since she has passed, and I can't shake the pain I still feel from it. It's hard because I pass by her grave every day on my way to work. I don't know how long it's going to take, but it feels wrong to be so hurt. Hannah and I hadn't been close for awhile before this. We use to be super close to the point where I went on vacation with them and spent the night like every other night. But there was a 7 year age difference, and I got married and had kids. She started dating a boy and going out with friend more around her age. It was just a comfortable space between us. I hope and think that she knew she could come to me for anything, and every once and awhile I would check up on her. When I got the phone call that Hannah had been shot. I think I was in shock because my first thought was not where or even toward the idea that she could die. I believe my first question was how? I started to freak out a little bit, and my mom came to check on me and I told her what happened. She was the one that asked me where. I was told it was her head, but it didn't really affect me yet. I went to my friends house to pick her up so we could go to the hospital. We had arrived at the hospital, but hadn't made it in yet when we found out that she had less than a one percent chance of survival. THAT was when I started freaking out. I stayed as long as I could over the weeks time she was in the hospital. I stayed there the first three days only getting about 6 hours of sleep, and I hadn't even gotten to see her yet. I just couldn't leave the hospital. I left to see my kids, change my clothes, and to cry. I wanted to see Hannah so bad that I convinced myself that I couldn't cry around anyone because I had to show how strong I was so they would let me in. Once I decided that I wasn't going to cry, I rarely did. Even to the point where I wanted to cry and I couldn't. At her funeral, I didn't cry. At her memorial service, it was her dancing ballet that made me cry but not a good let it out kind of cry. Even at her grave, I get teary eyed but that's it. The big break down moment that I had, and of course I tried my best to be quiet, but it was in church when Pastor Kelley spoke for the first time since she was shot. It's a month and a half later and I cry every once and awhile at night while I am by myself. I am really grateful because I was able to see Hannah's body before she passed. I was able to kiss her hand. I was able to talk to her. I say I saw Hannah's body because I still believe that Hannah had left her body at that point. For someone who was shot in the head, she didn't look it. She was absolutely beautiful, but I didn't get the feeling that if I talked to her she would be listening. She had moved onto Heaven. I was afraid that I was going to get in the way, and I left the room. I wish that I had stayed. I feel like I didn't get enough time. I feel like I want to go to her house and sit in her room. Sitting at the grave doesn't give me the feeling like I'm close to her. I want to be in the places that she was. I think there are acouple of issues that I still have problems with and this is why I can't get over it. First, I have a very vivid imagination (I blame it on my love for reading), and I can imagine myself in her mom's shoes. I can actually replaces Hannah's face with Emily's. I say that "I can" like it's something that I try to do, but it's kind of like flash blacks when it happens. The pain that I feel is actually physical and it makes my chest hurt very badly. The idea that death is so permanent is hard for me. Hannah's mom and dad can't hug her again, they can't talk, etc. etc. All the things that a parent should be able to do to their child, and their child is gone. I couldn't live if anything happened to either of my children.

I haven't posted in a really long time lol. A lot of those months were chaos while taking care of two children, going to school full time, and teaching full time. I new that internship time was crazy... I just hadn't been told how crazy it would be with two very small children.

But... that time has come and gone with me earning straight A's. I graduated and received my bachelor's degree in elementary education with almost straight A's. And now, I'm just spending my time subbing, and looking for a job.

Today is my two year anniversary. Two years ago today, I met my mother in law and sister in law for the first time. I couldn't stop giggling because my husband blew out the unity candle instead of his own candle. We got crazy drunk, and galavanted all over Las Vegas. Sometimes, I really really miss Las Vegas. I get a very strong urge to start planning a trip there. I remember when we were listening to a time share thing so that we could get free tickets. The guy that was trying to sell us a time share told us that people usually only go to Las Vegas one time in their life. I asked him why? He said that once they go, sure they have fun, but there isn't any reason to go back because they can basically mark it off of their list of things they want to do. I think I'm different. Forever, Las Vegas will always be special to me. I will go there again someday.

I can't explain myself very well when it comes to things like that. Memories are so important to me, which then makes places where those memories happen very important to me. Especially when it was very happy for me.

My husband is in the process of becoming sober. He's been sick for days now. Don't get me wrong, but part of me is sad for one reason. If he is truly serious about being sober, that means no more drinking together. I'm not one for drinking but I have really happy silly memories where we both have had a lot of fun on nights out drinking. Playing pool, laughing like crazy, and even crazy drunk uninhibited sex lol. Some of my happy memories. I will always enjoy those memories.

I hold some things so dear even though its from the past that sometimes I have to go revisit it just to calm my head. I'm not sure what it's about. OCD? Sometimes it feels like it. Like yesterday, I had the urge to go and see the trailer that we use to live in. The first place that Aaron and I lived together, the place where I got pregnant before we even had a bed, the stupid speed bumps that gave me contractions in the last part of my pregnancy, and the home where we brought our new born baby. I drove by it, and had the biggest urge to stop and go inside. It doesn't look like anyone lives there, but of course I didn't stop and go instead because that would break the law and I don't do that.

I have that urge for other places too. Every time I drive by certain streets I look down the road at certain houses even though the people don't live there anymore. I go to certain websites to look at and read things that hold some of my past. And for the life of me, I don't know why I do that.... sometimes it really irritates me too.

There are other things that should be important to me but aren't. The place we lived and found out that I was pregnant with Emily and brought her home to. I don't have any urge to go there. If I drive past that street, I don't look. I won't lie... that was not a very good time in my life. In fact it was stressful, and I hated much of what went on during that time. Maybe that's why that house doesn't mean anything to me.

Anyway, I find myself sitting here on my anniversary night alone because Aaron is working, and wishing that instead we were in Las Vegas making another memory for me to treasure.

So far so good!

Resolution #1 - Lose Weight

Today, I did day two of sparkpeople.com's 28 day bootcamp, and I did another 1.4 mile walk. Still trying to work on making good choices when eating, but, hey, it's still day two!


Resolution #2 - Graduation

I haven't done anything for this yet because I'm one of the lucky few who didn't get registered before the break. Some of my classmates are freaking out because they've been registered and they've already taken a look at the workload in the class. I'm jealous because I can't see the class, but I'm worried because they're freaking out and... I can't see what they see. Hopefully tomorrow I'm registered and Tuesday the class will pop up for me.


Resolution #3 - Financial Organization

I've been looking at different things that should make up a budget but I haven't actually worked on it yet.


Resoluation #4 - Organization

I folded clothes today. It doesn't really sound like organization but I'm counting it. First, we have one dresser and ALOT of clothes so I'm trying to find places for clothing while it's getting washed (or rewashed in some cases).


Resolution #5 - AJ and Emily

AJ and I went to the dollar store today to get Emily some diapers, and then I took him on my walk with me. I know he enjoys getting out of the house, even if it's just for a walk, and he was having a blast sitting in the stroller for our 30 minute walk.

Emily took a very long nap today. I think it's because she's always getting interrupted during her nap and also both kids were awake at 4 am.

Resolutions

New year, new blog title! I had to figure out a way to include Emily in the title.

The mandatory New Years resolution post. I've decided to make a resolution for different areas of my life to make sure that I'm working on bettering myself all around.

1st - I want to lose weight. My goal is to lose one pound a week, and to make sure that I am exercising at least 3 days out of the week. I started today with a sparkspeople 28 day bootcamp video, and a 1.4 mile walk.

2nd - I want to graduate in May, and then have a teaching job in August. I don't really know what goals to set for this other than to do my absolute best during internship.

3rd - I want us to be financial organized. I need to make a budget, and then we need to stick with it. That also includes saving. My goal for the first six months of the year will be to save at least $50 - $100 a month. It'll basically be all we can afford while I'm interning. I'll reevalute it as needed, but definitely by August when I'll hopefully have a job.

4th - Organization. I need to go through our things in the storage unit and here and get rid of what isn't needed and organize the rest.

5th - My kids. The order of the list isn't in order of importance. I want to make sure that I'm do whats right for my children. I'm already doing this but I want to keep doing this. With school being so demanding and just trying to survive on our tiny income, I start to feel like I'm not doing what I should for them. I can say that this is what I need to do to make sure they have a good future, but instead I'm going to stop what I'm doing and read a book or play with them. I also want to make sure that I keep up with this blog for the sole purpose it was made... to make sure that I have memories written and pictures taken for them to look back on when their older. So that being said.... a picture of each of my babies on the first day of 2011:

Emily had her one month check-up today! She now weighs 9 pounds 2 ounces and is 20 1/2 inches long. She's gained a lot of weight for two weeks, and the doctor is happy with her progress. I think I'm the happiest because I know that I made her gain that weight. I was so worried that we were going to be wrong about the birth control drying up my milk last time and that it would happen this time. I still want to get past 12 weeks because thats when I really knew it was time to give AJ formula, but I'm feeling more hopefully that I will be able to make it to at least 6 months and then hopefully a year.

Anyway here is my progress so far in the Day Zero Project:

1. Take my vitamin every day for three months (3/90)
2. Graduate with my bachelor’s degree
3. Lose 25 pounds (0/25)
4. Go through the closets (0/4)
5. Make sure the house is spotless before bed every day for a week (0/7)
6. Finish three of my WIPs (0/3)
7. Save $1.00 a day for 1001 days (3/1001)
8. Watch every episode of House (Season 1 - 3/22)
9. Finish this list
10. Buy one scratch off ticket every week for a year (0/52)

I found House Season One full length episodes at http://www.free-tv-video-online.info/internet/house/season_1.html. If you go there, make sure to use megavideo, and if it won't let you then novamov. I don't know that the other ones are safe, and I know that those two usually work.

Day One

Day One of 1001

So far I have 60 items on my list, and I have decided to work on these ones right now. It doesn't mean that I can't complete other ones, but I want to make an effort to work on these:

1. Buy one scratch off ticket every week for a year (0/52)
2. Finish this list
3. Save $1.00 a day for 1001 days (1/1001)
4. Finish three of my WIPs (0/3)
5. Make sure the house is spotless before bed every day for a week (0/7)
6. Go through the closets (0/4)
7. Take my vitamin every day for three months (1/90)
8. Lose 25 pounds (0/25)
9. Graduate with my bachelor’s degree