I didn't keep up with my November posting. Let's be fair though... November is NOT a good month for me. I had soooo much school work due this month it was CAH-RAZ-EE! It was all big stuff too. Also, we've been having some other issues that will go unmentioned for now. Maybe one day... I'll be able to blog for the whole month of Nov and win a prize, just not this time. :-(

Last night, our play date went fine.

We were suppose to do some "homeschool" stuff which was mostly games but AJ wasn't excited about it in the least bit. He just wanted to play with the trains NOT color, or sort, or even watch the movie Up. He did of course want the ice cream that we went out and bought, lol.

My boy is just a boy through and through. Give him blocks, trains, cars, and lots of mommy love and he'll be as happy as can be!

I do have to say that I'm so very happy that he is also sensitive and not overly rough. I look at momma's who have those types of boys and I truely feel sorry for them because I definitely don't know how you can control that type of child!

AJ and I are gonna eat dinner soon, and then we are heading over to Laura's house to play with her sons. Hopefully I can get her to take some pictures that I put in here.

I had an ultrasound today! I'm so very happy to see my baby happily flipping around down there. I was so excited this morning that I actually woke up like 4 times before my alarm went off lol. So, my due date is not June 3rd, 2010, and here is a picture of my little one:

Grandma asked if AJ could spend the night tonight. YES YES YES!

So this lady is heading over to Heather's house to work work work on school work. Hopefully, I'll get a bunch of it done!

Darn... I lost my whole post and now I have to write it again...


Anyway, as I said before, I was talking to my friend Laura today and we both have decided that we are going to start homeschooling. So, yes, AJ will start homeschooling by the end of the week.

It's not going to be all the structure and hard work that you are probably thinking. We'll take a few small tasks and focus on them for a week or two and then we'll move on. I found a website that I'm going to use as a guideline, and then Laura and I are going to get together once or twice a week and have our kids practice and play together.

It'll be fun, and I'll feel like I'm actually doing something with AJ. I read blogs from other people and see other friends' children who are all around AJ's age and they are either talking or doing complex activities... and I feel that maybe I have put AJ off to the side a little too much in the name of doing my own school work.

What I am going to start doing is structuring AJ's day with a daily routine. I don't have control over how Aaron takes care of AJ during the day but I'll work on the weekend and evening routine and hopefully AJ will eventually fall into a routine in the morning as well.

Oh, here is the website in case you are interested. Its free and goes from 3 months until late elementary school years. http://www.letteroftheweek.com/index.html

So, I'm having a bad day. Aaron and I aren't seeing eye to eye at the moment... and that means that it's just another thing to work on, on top of all of the school work and worrying that I'm already doing. So, I would just like to say this:

To my dear dear dear husband:

I'm sick of your attitude... and I'm on strike from you at the moment!


There it is blog world... my tantrum toward my husband made public.

Fruit Pizza

I'm posting early because I have a potluck dinner to go to tonight.. but I wanted to show you what I have been working on today!

Nope, no pictures yet. Unfortunately, Heather's cord does not fit my camera.. she has another one that I'll try but I'm not so sure that one will fit either. *sigh* I'm so very disappointed!

So lets see, what to talk about today...

Tomorrow, my mom and I plan on going to a potluck dinner, and I'm pretty much decided on making a fuit pizza. It looks so yummy in the pictures that I just have to try it... hopefully, mine looks just as yummy. Go google image fruit pizza.. you won't be disappointed I promise!

AJ went to bed nice and early tonight.. so I'm gonna look at what is due for my classes and maybe I'll start working on it.. although, a bath is sounding quite nice right now....

Day 6 of 30

Today is day 6 of 30 out of my November blog posts. So far so good, although I find it hard to really write anything worth while.

Heather allowed me to borrow her camera cord, so once I see if it fits and of course if it does fit, I'll post some October pictures.

So, I have noticed that my morning sickness has sort of tapered off. I still feel queasy every once and awhile, and I still find that I'm not hungry at night, but for the most part my morning sickness is staying at bay. I hope that means I'm having a girl lol. If you know me, then you know that I really really hope it is a girl this time. If it's a boy, I won't be upset. BUT... I would love to buy dresses and bows and pink and dolls... I want a PRINCESS!

Ok, I waited too late tonight to post, and I'm yawning up a storm... so I'm gonna cut this boring boring post short. Nighty nighty night..

I had a good day today. I woke up wide awake, which is very unusual considering how I normally am. The school I worked at was nice, the kids behaved, and the day went by fairly quickly.

In other news, I started my Christmas shopping already. I couldn't hold off anymore. I wanted to get some of it done. I went to Burlington Coat Factory and put some outfits and toys on layaway. So far AJ has 3 pairs of pajamas, 3 or 4 outfits in 18 months or 24 months, a kitchen play center, a hockey toy set, a tool set, a potty, and he got Daddy some pajamas for Christmas too. I feel like I've forgotten something but I have my recept and I won't have to worry about it until it's paid off. All in all so far I have spent 150 bucks, although I haven't really spent that much yet.

So, I'm gonna scoot. AJ is going to go to bed fairly shortly, and then I am going to take a bath... and I think I'm going to make one of those no bake cheesecakes....mmmm.

So far so good, I've posted every day of November! Although, for anyone who reads this it may get rather boring very soon lol!

So, I've been searching for my camera cord since we moved because I have a ton of cute pictures of AJ from October. My mother finally found it and it was torn in half?!? It didn't look like it was chewed by a pet, just that someone had yanked both sized until it tore apart. Completely crazy! So, for now I have to remain pictureless because I have to find a new cord, order it, and wait for it to be mailed. A TOTAL BUMMER!

In other news, I have already taken a break from my crunch week lol. Actually, I worked hard last night and this morning to make sure that all three papers were done. I was successful, but I decided that tonight I needed a small break. AJ went to grandma's and I'm about to go to bed.

So, good night to all!

Crunch Time

Today is a crunch day. I have three papers due tomorrow and have been working on one for most of the evening. I need to quit procrastinating and just get it done, but I wanted to make sure that I get my post in for the day.

I will be glad with the day comes this semester when I'm done crunching and I can either read or crochet without feeling guilty because I'm not doing my school work. The end of the semester is always hard though because everyone always assigns the most. So, I think that instead of just being a crunch day, this will probably be a crunch week and I'll try to get some of the future projects done before their due dates to relieve some stress.

In AJ news, I'm thinking about taking him to visit his old Kindermusik class. Laura has been trying to get me to visit because our small infant class is still together minus AJ and I and apparently there have been so many changes that it warrants a visit to see all the babies growing up. Like my boy...


Just learning to sit and chew things with no teeth... I think he was somewhere around 5 or 6 months


Sitting up like a pro, eating like a pro, with all of his teeth... oh with a cap... at 1 1/2 years

No idea

Ok, so I've been sitting here a little while trying to decide what I would write about. My life is full of school work and nothing else that it would be boring to talk just about that. I don't have much else to say about the pregnancy right now because I'm waiting for my ultrasound on the 12th.

So what I want to talk about:

How I'm trying to tame the Christmas beast


I'm ready to go on this Christmas thing... but I don't have the time or the money right now to go all out to get Christmas started here. Plus, it might just be a little too early seeing as we haven't even passed Thanksgiving.

So, what have I been doing to stop myself. I keep telling myself that I'll wait until tomorrow because I have too much school work to do today. I fully plan on going and doing layaway so that I don't have to buy all of the stuff up front right now. And by tomorrow, I say that everyday so that it continues to get pushed off for the ever illusive tomorrow.

Either way, I'm excited for Christmas this year and I can't wait to get started.

NaBloPoMo

I actually can't believe that it is this time of the year again. It shows me how long I have been following some of my favorite blogs because I read through them last year. I didn't participate last year though. But this year... I'm gonna try. :-)

The goal: post everyday for the full month of November

I think I can do it... my blogging has be slacking lately.

Here is what I'm gonna post today:



It's not a very clear picture because it was taken with my phone, but I thought it was so cute. I did take some better pictures with my camera but I need to find the cord for it... which may turn into buying a new cord for it because I've already looked ;-)

Scroog

Or however you spell it. I felt like that with my last pregnancy on my babyfit message boards. The first trimester is so annoying when it comes to other pregnant women. We are all about 5 to 9 weeks along right now and they are already talking about how they definitely look pregnant. Give me a break... I don't care how many kids you have had, you don't have a baby bump at 6 weeks!

Yes, I feel that my pouch is sore and getting harder, but would I say I have a baby bump? No, I would say that I look like I'm getting fatter even though I've lost 2 pounds so far. So, forgive me if I spell this wrong but I must be the pregnant Scroog or something.

In other news, I was told that my lab work came back great but that I have a bladder infection. The bladder infection wasn't surprising.. and I believe I've had it for a few months now. So, I'm on antibiotics and I can definitely feel a difference after 4 days of medicine. I wish that they would have elaborated on my lab work a little instead of telling me it all looks fine. I want to know why they took so much blood, what it was for, what it all means. Oh well, I go back to the doctor on Friday, and I'm looking forward to it. I believe I'll be 8 weeks and that should be late enough to hear a heartbeat!

As the previous post has said, I am preggo with #2! We are very excited. Actually, I was going to wait to tell people, but Aaron sent out a mass text message within the first hour after telling him. So, there is no point in hiding it now.

I've already had someone ask me if this baby was planned. Honestly, it wasn't. We had been trying for a couple of months and then felt that it wasn't the right time with the money problems, house problems, and other problems going on. But in the family fashion this baby didn't want to be planned, but instead waited until we were sure that it would be better to wait instead. So, I can tell we'll have another hard headed stubborn baby :-). Not that that is necessarily a bad thing.

How far a long am I? Well, when scheduling my doctor's appointment they said 6 weeks, but I'm leaning toward 4 maybe 5. My cycles are longer than the average, and doctor's don't take that into consideration up front. The same thing happened when I was pregnant with AJ. I knew I was 4 weeks and they said I was 6 and then had the ultrasound and it turned out that I was exactly right. The only difference is that now, I don't know the exacts of my cycle since it was still all over the place, so I can't pin point a due date like I did with AJ. I'm thinking it will be around June 11, 2010.

Something else that we're thinking about doing is not finding out the sex of the baby. While I would love to know if it is a little girl later on, I think it would be a lot of fun and very exciting to wait until that day. Honestly, I want it to be a girl, but of course if it's a boy there are positives to that too. Like, I already have a ton of boy stuff lol.

So, that's the scoop so far. I have my first appointment at the end of this month, and I'll definitely give an update about this then!

BFP

Quick update.. more to come later after school work is done... this little lady is a little lady growin' a baby bump!

Quick Update

Not much posting from me lately. It's been very very busy.

Aaron, AJ, and I have had to move into a bedroom at my mom's house so that we have a livable, safe environment for our family for the time being. I've been very busy getting everything ready for our very quick move. We spent one day cleaning up the room and closet because my brothers are very very messy. The next morning I vacuumed, for over an hour, only because I couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. I kept unclogging it. After I finally figured out what was clogging it, and fixed it, I was able to vacuum. I then spent an hour and a half bleaching and washing the walls. They were very very dirty.

So, washing the walls and stuff was yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon, Aaron and I went around looking for houses to rent. Earlier this month we had found a house that was rent to own, and it really was a perfect choice for us, but the lady decided that she wanted to sell it instead. We just are not ready to buy a house, although Aaron really tried to talk me into it. I'm not ready for that kind of stress, considering I have been taking care of this whole situation practically by myself. Thank GOD that one of my brothers was so helpful and that Heather was there to pick up my slack. She fed AJ when I forgot to, she lent an ear that probably got very tired long ago of the complaining, and she drove where ever I needed her too. I wouldn't have been able to get as much done if I didn't have someone to do that for me.

So, anyway, we looked at different houses yesterday. I have been scanning craigslist several times a day everyday for potential houses. The few houses that we did look at looked really beaten up on the outside, and some were charging god awful amounts.

Later in the evening, Heather and I moved my bed with her boyfriends truck, and then I set up our room for the evening. As we were moving the boxspring it started to rain and was soaked, but it seems completely dry now.

That's that for our living situation. Added to that... I've started to work again. So far it has only been one day, but it will pick up. I already have a job lined up for tuesday. And then... on top of that... school work... mounds and mounds of school work. So much that I feel like I don't have time to do anything else, so I have to take time away from that to get my other stuff done. This lady is stressed out to the MAX.

So... on that note, I do have to go and get some school work done. Just thought I would update.

Need some sunshine

School has started for me, and I am busy busy busy. I am also very stressed out.

Aaron and I had some issues to deal with, and we are dealing with them, but it was intense for a few days.

I have a boat load of school work to do already.

...AND my house is falling apart. There isn't a single part of the house that doesn't need fixing. We need to get out of this house, and now!

We have a few options open to us at the moment. Tomorrow I'll be going to the office to see if we can move to a rent to own and get rid of our house without the whole mess of selling it. Let me make this clear though, I call it my house, my home... it isn't a H-O-U-S-E but a mobile home. That's why fixing every problem isn't worth it. It's probably ready to be torn down to put a brand new one there anyway.

Anyway, if that doesn't work, I'm still going to see if they will take it off our hands. We'll move in with my mother for a month to save and then find another place to buy. I think we would like to find a rent to own house (yes, a real one ;-).

So, that's what has been going on with me. I've been living under a rain cloud for alittle while now, and I'm ready for some sun... I hope life decides that I deserve it for once.

Breast Cancer Walk

Before I got pregnant with AJ, I had done a Race for the Cure walk. I had told myself that I would participate every year, but the next year I was very pregnant and did not want to try the 5k walk. The next year I had completely forgotten about doing it until it was too late. I literally looked it up the day after it had already taken place. So this year I am going to do it.

This year I'm going to participate in Making Strides Against Breast Cancer. If you feel generous enough to make a donation please go here:

One week until school and work starts again. I cannot wait! I'm ready to get out of this house doing stuff that keeps me busy. Oh yes does AJ keep me busy, but I'm not a housewife type of girl. It's nice the first few weeks of summer but by the end I am dying of boredom.

It's going to be so chaotic those first few weeks though. I'm going to school full time 2 days a week, and hopefully working the other 3 days, although I doubt there is going to be much of a demand for substitutes right away. Lots of early mornings thrown at this girl who is very use to sleeping in, which also means lots of late nights with a little boy who refuses to be tamed and trained into going to sleep at a decent hour.

So far so good on the list stuff. It's kept me up on my chores, help me feel like I was able to manage better, and completely took away the feeling of chaos that my house can create when hurricane AJ has blown through. As of now, and yes it's only been the second day, the list is going to stay.

Another good thing about my list is that it makes me feel ok to work on my "projects" which really only consist of sewing and crocheting. I'm actually going to make a post about my projects to show what I'm doing, what I've accomplished, and mainly because I'm proud of the work that I've done on them, even if the only one almost completed is a shawl. So, that will come soon when I am more up to blogging about it, and I'm not so stressed.

Last night, I'm not even going to go into it, but it caused some major stress. Stuff that Aaron will have to work through, as well as things that Aaron and I have to work on together. But, that is all that I'm going to say about it because I'm not sharing it with anyone but the other people that were involved, and my mother. For the time being anyway...

So, onto other things. AJ still isn't eating well, but he is taking his iron everyday. It is a fight between me and him. I am quite sure the iron does not taste good because it smells and looks horrible. I feel bad forcing him to take it every morning, but he's got to do it.

AJ had a pretty cranky night tonight. We spent the day with my mom and he was climbing all over everything. He's learned that climbing onto the back of the couch can help him climb onto the desk, and I found him numerous times sitting on top of the desk playing with the speakers and computer monitor. I also found him on top of the table playing with the numerous things that are kept there. Every time I turned around he was climbing onto something. He lost his temper with me quite a few times after I removed him from his various climbing areas. He has my temper. I can get quite cranky and he's inherited it from me. I sure hopes that he grows out of it before he's a teenager... although that is probably just wishful thinking.

I was going to end my post there, but decided that I would say thank you to Andrea for commenting so much on my blog. I started reading her blog, which you can find here while reading another blog that mentioned one of her recipes. I can't remember which one it was, but it sure looked yummy, and her blog has grown on me. She has a cute little family, is going through a very difficult deployment, and is just a very interesting person. Oh, and she takes some awesome pictures!

Organizational Skills

I lack them!! I can be organized in my work place but when it comes to my home and personal life, I am far from organized.

Today, I started to organize my life and home. Cleaning is not my thing, I've said it here many times before. I'm trying a new way of doing it, along with helping me to get organized. My nightly routine will now include setting out tomorrows clothes and then jotting down a list of things that I would like to complete. That includes my chores and a small thing or two that I want to organize.

I'm the type of person that does get over-whelmed with large projects if I don't have someone to help motivate me. Of course I can't have someone helping me and walking me through the big projects that a home brings a long, so I have to learn to deal with it and find a way that will work just for me.

Now, I've tried this program called Fly-lady... honestly, I don't get it and it doesn't go fast enough for me. But something that always has worked for me is lists. I like to make lists, and I like to check off things off lists... I don't know what that says about my personality, but it works for me.

Anyway, my day has included doing my chores, washing my car along with Heather's car, and her mom's car, and I've slowly started to tackle my closet. We don't have much storage space, so our closet has become just that.

This is how I'm going to tackle my organizational projects. Everyday, I'm going to do a boxes worth or grocery bags worth of organizing and if I'm feeling up to it, I'll do more, if not then I've completed my goal for the day. So, it will be slow going, but I'm confident that I'll be organized just in time for Christmas... which of course will probably de-organize me, if that even is a word, lol.

Lots of talk so far about Christmas. It's my big milestone for my goals, so it will probably continue. I've also pretty much have an idea on the type of Christmas cards I will be making. They are called "waterfall" cards. Example HERE.

I love how it looks simplistic, almost childlike. There is a good probability that my card will look similar.

So, off I am to complete the last bit of chores on my list, and make my new list for tomorrow.

Ta ta for now.

The viewing and Christmas

My Papa's viewing was today. Honestly, I didn't want to go. The night he died, I was the first to get there, so I got a good little while to spend some time with him and say my goodbyes. I didn't feel the need to go and say goodbye again. Today wasn't the memorial service, that will be next week, but I went because I felt that my family wouldn't have appreciated it if I stayed home. I left AJ at home because he didn't need to be there either. I will be taking him to the memorial service though.

I had my camera in my car and my mother told me to get it after my Uncle announced that we were allowed to take pictures. I felt so wierd taking pictures. I thought that my mother had wanted them, but come to find out she doesn't want to see them at all. I guess it was good though because it did turn out that my Nana wanted the pictures.


I started some Christmas preparations today. Now that I'm allowed to communicate with Aaron's family I needed to update my Christmas card list, and birthday list. I made out a whole list of people who are getting Christmas cards this year, and I found their addresses. I'm even thinking of making my Christmas cards. Making cards is something that I love to do, but when it comes to Christmas time, I find myself very busy and I just buy a box of cards for $1. I would love to personalize it this year. I'm gonna have to do some searching through google for some ideas though. I also need to make a list of names who are going to actually get presents from me and write down ideas for their gifts.

I know I probably sound crazy, but we waited last year to do Christmas and found ourselves with no money because Aaron had lost his job. We did not get to celebrate with presents and the Christmas cards that I sent out never got to their destinations, which was kind of disappointing because they had so many professional pictures in them. This year, I want to be prepared. I want to make sure that presents are bought while we have money, and by the time Christmas comes around, maybe it won't be such a mad dash to find presents and we won't struggle from lack of money.

This year, I am determined to have a Christmas Tree as well... but no real ones. I don't like the smell and mess that a tree makes, and some trees give me rashes after touching them. Plus, fake trees are more cost effective. See... in Florida real Christmas trees have to be shipped which makes the cost sky rocket. A small not so good tree could be bought for $25 bucks if you are lucky, but a medium sized nice full tree can be around $75 bucks... and I have seen trees for over $100. A fake tree, that you don't have to worry about fullness or being lopsided can be bought for $25 - $50 and will last you quite a few Christmases.

Once I get back to work I'm going to start AJ's Christmas shopping. I'm just going to buy him cars and accessories. He'll play hours with cars. I could buy him every single big huge expensive advanced what ever normal kid wants toys and he'll go straight for a tiny one dollar matchbox car. So, I'm going to buy him a ton of those, a case, and a new road rug. No need to clutter up my house with bulky toys, my boy likes cars. He also likes legos, and because his birthday is only a few weeks after Christmas, I'm going to buy his birthday presents at the same time. Of course he won't get them on Christmas. I'm going to buy him legos, and a table to play with it on, I'm also going to buy some stuff for his room because we'll be upgrading his room to a big boy room then too. Don't worry though, I'm not talking about big boy legos, while he does like those he needs me to take them apart, so he's getting the big legos, and his big boy bed will only be his crib converted to a toddler bed. I'm also going to take the door off of his room and put a gate there so that he can't wander at night.

AND... the biggest change of all.....

AJ is getting a potty chair for his birthday.

Of course this is still a little less than 6 months away, but changes are coming for my boy... I hope he's not like me and doesn't try to resist it!!!

Ok, as promised for quite a long time... here are some pictures. I finally got the pictures off of my camera.



Heather holding AJ after he ate ice cream by himself for the first time... she was very brave for letting him try that at her house!



AJ and Mommy at Planet Jump.



My beautiful boy waiting in the car for Daddy.



One of my favorite pictures from our trip to the beach last weekend.



This is my other favorite picture. Heather's son Thomas is the other boy in this picture.

Heather and I went to the beach with our boys on Saturday. We had loads and fun, and as I always promise but never deliver... I will post pictures, I really do have to find my camera cord.

While the beach was fun, and I got a lot of exercise from digging holes in the sand, and I did get a wee bit of sunburn... my day over all on Saturday was a stinker!

I went to my mother's house to finish doing her laundry and decided that while I was waiting for it to dry, I would take AJ with me to go visit my Papa since the hospice is so close to my mother's house.

Here is a picture of my Papa with AJ in January after we found out his cancer came back. If any one feels charitable and can make this picture look better so I can frame it, I would be forever grateful!!! I have tweaked it, so if you want the original I can supply it!



He looked bad. He's lost a lot of weight. He literally was all skin and bones. His eyes hadn't been shut in awhile, so they were putting goop on it to keep it healthy. He also was not entirely responsive.

I turned on Disney channel for AJ, which happened to be playing his favorite movie which was a life saver. I talked to Papa about my car, since he use to always ask me about it, I talked about going to the beach, and AJ swimming, and just about stupid everyday stuff. I had seen an empty vase and told him that it was a shame that it was empty and I would make sure that I brought him some flowers for his vase the next morning. He also was facing a balloon that AJ gave him a few weeks ago. Even though we thought he probably couldn't seen anymore, it always looked like he was staring at that balloon. So, I talked to him about the balloon. Eventually, AJ started to get antsy and try to leave the room. I told Papa that I would be back in the morning and that I love him, and then I turned the TV to a movie and I left.

I went back to my mom's house to finish the laundry. By the time I left it was almost 11:00 pm and while I was passing the street that the hospice was on, I felt like I should turn and go check on my Papa, make sure the tv hadn't been turned off, stuff like that. I told myself no, that I was tired and should get home. I stopped to see Aaron at work and was talking to him when my mother called me.

At 11:01 pm August 1st, 2009, my Papa passed away. I had been hoping that his pain would end for some time now, but I guess I wasn't totally ready to let him go. I actually take comfort that I was the last family member to see him alive. I kick myself for not turning to go check on him, because then he would have had someone in the room with him while he passed, but it could be possible that he wanted to be alone for that. I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks before Saturday. I had felt really guilty about that. He just looked so bad, and I didn't like to be there when someone else was because I hated having someone listen to me talk to him. I'm so happy that I was able to see him one last time... and maybe this is just wishful thinking... hopeful thinking that I maybe I was important to him enough that he waited to see me one last time.

I'm fighting a battle with AJ... and for the most part, he wins.

His iron levels came back at a 7.7, normal is 11. It is quite low and he's just not eating for me anymore. The doctor says that is normal, but not eating and having low iron is just too much for me to take comfort in "normal".

But, for tonight, I won the battle. I had always told myself that I would not make my children special dinners just because they didn't like what I was making. But, I have to make an exception. This has everything to do with AJ's health and development, and I can't worry about him being a picky eater right now.

I decided to try and make fish tonight to see how he would do. Now, I was told that fish was a good source of iron, but after dinner tonight and doing research on it... I have found that it isn't necessarily that good of a source of iron. Oh, well it doesn't really matter at this point. At least he ate.

So, what did I make tonight? I made home made fish sticks. They were very good actually, and I would have loved to make the dipping sauce that was on there, but the jar of horseradish was actually empty... so I just made tartar sauce to go with it.

Recipe

Now it calls for panko... I didn't have any of that. I just used regular bread crumbs, they were italian seasoned bread crumbs but they still came out awesome.

Update

I wanted to update my previous post, but I always hate it when someone updates an already written post because I probably won't see the update unless I accidentally scroll to far down and see that they wrote something new. So, I'll make an entirely new post just for my update.


The recipe that was posted below was very good. I didn't follow it exactly, there were a few very minor changes that I made. First, I didn't grease the pan. I used a glass pan, and honestly forgot about greasing it before I put the chicken in. I didn't have a problem with it sticking anyway. Second, I layered the chicken with slices of mozzeralla instead of shedded mozzeralla, and then put the spaghetti sauce over it. I think the slices of cheese helped to coat it better than mozzeralla would have. It was also really good over the pasta. I also bought a loaf of onion bread and dipped it in the speghetti sauce. Yummy!


I started a night time routine with AJ tonight, and I have to say that it worked ok. He has to get use to it, and I'm sure he will. 2 hours after the start of our routine he was finally asleep, and it took some one on one time with Mommy at the very end for about 15 min before he was finally asleep. That's something that I usually don't have to do, but that is because I usually put on a movie for him and he falls asleep during it. I have started to notice though, that no matter how tired he is he'll watch the whole movie instead of falling asleep. So, I gave him the chance to fall asleep to the movie and when he didn't the tv was turned off. Honestly, I can't wait until our AC is fixed so that we can put him in his crib again. I didn't have a problem at all with him falling asleep in his crib. He has no tv in his room, and that is something that I'm going to stick with. As of now though, he sleeps in the playpen in our room where the window AC is and he doesn't fall asleep so well in there.

I also started to work out again. I took a little hiatus there, but my excuse is that it is way to hot in my house to work out and I'm sticking to that! I've kinda just sucked it up though, and worked out in the heat. It's only for a little while and I can manage.

Not much going on today. We all slept in late because AJ was up late last night. My goal is to get AJ to bed at a good hour and get him back on schedule before the end of the month. I have about two weeks. I'm hoping that I can do it in that time.

Heather came over last night and helped me clean my house, and now it is much easier to manage. I'm so happy. I was able to clean up the house today in less than 30 min, but it was probably only that fast because I took advantage of AJ's nap.

Right now I'm defrosting some chicken for Chicken Parmigiana and pasta. I found a pretty easy recipe here. I'm sure it will turn out well.

Other than that, not too much going on. I have a load of laundry to do after I finish washing AJ's cloth diapers. I started to use our cloth diapers again so we don't go through disposables so quickly, and to save some money. I'm really happy that I bought a whole bunch of them when I had the money. I have to say out of all the cloth diapers that I have, I love the Bumgenious ones the best. I'm hoping that with our next child that we keep up with the cloth diapers more.

Aaron and I have been getting along a lot better now. I think it's really because I'm pretty much done with my period, so I'm not so cranky and hormonal. Also, my house isn't too hot so I'm not so cranky about that. I've opened up the windows and it's been a rainy day so it's been kinda cool out.

Not much else to talk about, so I hope that your day has been wonderful!

Scares

I wanted to blog about this yesterday but IE kept freezing up on me. My computer has been awefully slow lately.

So, anyway... A few nights ago Aaron called me around 11:30 pm to ask me to go get him some cigarettes. So, I went out to get him some and I also got AJ a milkshake and since he was enjoying it so much I didn't want to get him out of the car to go into Daddy's work. Aaron came out to get them and talked to me for a minute and as he went to go inside I started to close my windows and back out of the parking space. I stopped because this man was walking like he was going to walk behind my car, and I of course did not want to run him over. Well, he ended up changing directions to go in front of my car and I started to back out again. I stopped again because he started to walk in between my car and the car next to me and I didn't want to smoosh him. He stops next to my door and I get ready to back out again and I see his hand going for the handle of my car. I tried to lock the doors but I was scared and started to fumble with the buttons. He opens my door and starts to get in and I scream "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY CAR!!" He stopped and looked at me and just said "uuhh shit" and walked away.
Now, I'm sure that it was just a mistake on his part, but it freaked me out. All of these different scenarios zoomed through my head while it was going on. It really seemed like it lasted many minutes but I know the whole thing only happen in a few moments. My heart was racing and I was shaking, and my stomach had turned. I definitely locked my door after that.

Then, the next morning I had to get up and go babysit for Laura. I got out of bed and saw that my brother had called me like 3 times early early in the morning and I guess I didn't hear my phone go off. So, I start to call him but he doesn't answer. I decided to go get a drink before I took a shower, and as I walked into the living room I stopped dead in my tracks. There was a person sitting in Aaron's chair in my living room. It took me a second to realize that it was my brother, and another second to realize that I was standing in front of him stark naked. I started to back out of the room, trying to cover myself with my hands, yelling at him for being in my house with out me knowing.
Now, honestly, I didn't really care that he was in my home. He obviously needed a place to go since he was out drinking and didn't want to drive home, which was a good choice. He ended up walking to my house. So, while I'm proud that he made a very good decision... I was still very embarrassed at having my brother see me in my birthday suit.

So, those were my two heart stopping scares of the week.

What else have I been up to?

Heather came over tonight and helped me clean my house. It was a lot of help and I really appreciated it. Next weekend, I'm going to go over to her house and help her deep clean her house. Maybe one day we'll be able to deep clean my house instead of just cleaning it lol.

Time for another post since I haven't been doing much of that lately.

So so much is going on right now. I have been so cranky and miserable and it's hit a peak this week.... hopefully it won't plateau!

Number one on the list is money. I hate the summers because of our lack of money because I don't work. I'm going to go out this week and fill out some more applications, but it sort of seems pointless because school will be starting next month. Either way, money is causing a huge problem in my life right now.
Yes, we are making the bills but we don't have much left over after that. And yes, it is causing a problem with my relationship with my husband. Don't go and get worried (or be happy if you don't like me ;-) I think this will eventually blow over and Aaron and I will be happy with each other again as soon as I start to work again.

The problem with not working besides not having money, is that I have nothing to do all day. Cleaning is not something I look forward to... so it doesn't count. I love doing the work that I do. I would love it even more if I were an actual licensed teacher, but for now it will do.. and I love it. I miss working. I miss teaching. I miss my life. Right now it really truely feels like I have no life. My conversations have turn to complaining instead of recounting the interesting things that happened during the day ( and boy does it get pretty interesting teaching a new group of kids each day). I actually really don't like complaining. When I do complain it does help me to feel better because I actually was able to get it out, but I prefer to be laughing during my conversations. Aaron use to be able to do that for me... but right now we are sort of disconnected. I'm angry, and stressed, and sad.. and when he makes it a joke.. I get annoyed, which in turn annoys him because he just wanted me to laugh. This happened last summer, and I know that it will eventually go back to normal, but it seems like so far away.

From my past posts, something that was weighing me down was the death of my stepfather. Recently those thoughts have turned into thoughts about my own father. There is much about his death that I don't know. What I do know is that he commited suicide, and that he carried it out by shooting himself. I'm very curious about where he shot himself, what he shot himself with, and why he shot himself. That last question is one that I don't think I'll ever get to know, but I've thought about it alot. And these thoughts don't help my state of mind at the present moment either, because it puts my into a grumpy sad mood. And my Papa being so sick pushes me futher into that mood.

My family is also very grumpy to each other over this whole situation. While it may not be the best decision and I may even regret it later, I have reach a conclusion that I can't go see my Papa when the majority of my family is there. I want the time that is left with my Papa to be special to me.. and my family ruins it... this also doesn't help my mood.

And.. last night I felt the snowball effect of my current situation. This new feelings are mine though.. and will not be written here.

On a good note though, I have felt very creative lately. Some projects that have always just seemed a little to out of grasp for my imagination have come into focus, and plans have been made. My creativity has always lifted my spirits.. maybe because it make me feel accomplished, gives me something to do, and makes me feel unique... or maybe it's just because I like it... ;-)

I believe I mentioned it in another post but I was working on a blanket... it's a present that I won't tell anyone who it is for yet... I've had to put it on hold. I'm actually quite sad about that. I went to the store yesterday and they didn't have anymore of the yarn that I needed and they didn't know when they would get it back in. I've checked other stores and none around here have the same color. Worse comes to worse I can always buy it online, but it is more expensive and then I have to pay for shipping. I am determined to finish it though.. and I got a wonderful card to go with it!
So, I've started to work on another present. This one I will say what it is. It is a pretty pink shawl that I am going to give away for Christmas. I have the perfect person in mind for it, and I know she'll love it because she loves pink and she's perfect for this type of shawl. Maybe I'll scan the picture and put it up here next time I'm around a scanner.

Well, I might as well end this on that happy note because now I'm feeling much more up lifted and now I want to work on that shawl.

I said goodbye to 23 and hello to 24. Before you ask... it doesn't feel any different. ;-)

This weekend started out horrible... I mean, I don't know how I was strong enough not to break down into tears and try to crawl away horrible. Maybe because I was lucky enough to reconnect with a friend that I needed a little more than a week ago.
Friday was the funeral. Forever I will always have the sharp, clear image of a mother grieving her oldest son.. and I pray to God with all my heart that that image will never be my future. My grandmother (step-family) has been very strong and not shed a tear in front of us since we saw her for the first time in over 10 years over a week ago, and she tried to be strong at the funeral, but ended up breaking down.

I have to be honest.... part of me didn't want to go to the funeral.. and part of me at the funeral felt a very strong urge to open that casket and look inside. But anyway, back to my grandmother. When it was time to put a rose on the casket my grandmother was the first one. She went up to it and kissed it and then sprawl her upperbody on top of it and started whispering to it. I heard her sobbing and my grandfather started to sob and then I started to cry. This immense pain came over me for them. Losing your child has to be the hardest thing I've ever seen, and the worse part for me is that I felt like I could feel their pain.
AJ was very good at the funeral.. only started to whine at the very end.
Then my day got worse... it was hot and AJ was running all over the place. We decided that it was time to leave and as I was saying goodbye I noticed that my brothers had forgotten to watch AJ for me. I turned around and my heart stopped... I couldn't see AJ.. and then when I did he was a step away from the street. That was sooo scary.
Then on the way home, it started to pour. Bryan's car broke down... we were able to make it to a rest stop... it was pouring and I got soaked running back and forth between the cars, restroom, and covered bench. AJ woke up very cranky from being in a car for a lot of the day.
Laura came to pick me up, but in the end it was too late to make it to my job interview, and even though I called them and sent Heather over there.. they won't be calling me back.
I went to a "birthday dinner" as we made our way home.. and I guess I misunderstood because I ended up having to pay for myself and AJ... and in the end she had forgotten her debit card so I had to pay for everyone with my bill money.
Everything just didn't go the way that I wanted them too... horrible horrible day....

Saturday I didn't do much, but Heather took me out for a birthday lunch that I didn't have to pay for, and it was a lot of fun.

Yesterday... I spent most of the day with Heather and Thomas. We went to the pool and AJ and I got a little burnt. Heather and I played scrabble... she won by 3 points. We went grocery shopping, and then sat and talked for awhile. I had a very good day that day... more fun than I've had in awhile.

So.. that brings me to today. Not much planned. I have to clean and that's about it.

Not much has really been going on besides the death of my stepfather. His funeral is on Friday, and everything about it is starting to annoy me. First, that my mother chose her pastor when I think it is completely inappropriate. Second, that she wants me to help write "nice things" about a man that I haven't known in over ten years and can barely remember when he and our family was happy. Yes, I know that this post sounds a lot different from the last one, but my emotions have flipped I think.
I don't hate him anymore, but honestly my memories of him are not great. Memories that are good.. I can't even say if they are truely memories or stories that I've been told. Not even my mother can think of anything... she called to ask if I was baptised with him. Um... no, lol.
I don't really know how I feel anymore. I know that I feel bad that some people die unnoticed. I feel bad that he died wrapped up in his alcoholism and alone. I feel bad for his family who either tried their hardest to help him or didn't even get to know him at all. I hope that he didn't die in pain, and I know that where he is is much better for him than he could ever have here on earth. I just can't say anything nice about him, and it makes me feel bad.
Another thing is that I got another job interview for a movie store. The interview is right after the funeral. Well, not right after but with driving back and if my grandparents want to eat.. we might have a hard time getting back in time. I did tell the person that I'm interviewing with what I'm going to do, so I hope that she understands if I'm a little late, but I doubt she will... and that will be just another thing to hold against him.
Anyway.. my blog has gone from happy to angsty and I'm sorry about that... maybe soon it will go back to normal...

Normal???

In an effort to somewhat normalize (if that isn't a word.. it is now lol) my life and AJ's life, I set an alarm clock this morning. Not early, but to make sure that I got up when it was still morning. I took my temp so that I can get my charting down again. I've started to temp again last week and only missed one day.. the day that I woke up to my mother telling me about my stepfather. So, I'm hoping to continue with my chart so that if my period is starting to come back to normal, in acouple of months my charts will be able to tell me when I'm most likely to ovulate so that Aaron and I won't become one of those couples that is constantly trying to have a baby and sex isn't fun anymore.
AJ woke up around the same time I did and I made him breakfast and then I took a shower and got dressed. It is my hope that even if I don't find a job for the summer that AJ and I will be able to form a routine that has him going to bed at a reasonable time and both of us wake up at a reasonable time, and also so that I'll have the energy to get up and clean the house and to start exercising again.
This is very important to me because I've found that I've started to go crazy and I can't even remember what day it is anymore.
Waking up this morning and taking a shower right away and getting dressed has definitely made me feel more awake and ready to start my day. It was not unusual for me to stay in my pajamas for most of the day and I wouldn't get dressed until I had to take Aaron to work... sometimes I didn't even get dressed for that. So, my hope is that starting this morning routine will help normalize our lives. After my morning routine is down, I'll start an afternoon routine. I'm hoping that by the end of the month AJ is back on his schedule and my house will be somewhat clean and organized.
I started a new project as well. Last night by big project was to get the laundry done.. or at least in a managable state. Heather and I had a "laundry party". Really all it was, was both of us doing laundry at our own houses and we each knew it lol. But, I had to go to Walmart last night to get a few things and I decided since I stuck with it, I would reward myself. So, I found a pattern for a blanket that I thought was really pretty and I have the perfect person and reason to give that blanket away when it is done. This tends to be my problem and why I haven't been as crafty as I normally am. I don't want to make something if I can't figure out who to give it to or if it won't go well in my own house. So, when I look through patterns and things like that I think about people who might like it, and I found something that would work... I found the perfect color of yarn... and I started it last night. That really is all the detail I'll give for now, and as time goes by I'll probably take some pictures of it and post it. Then when I'm done I'll make a post about who it is for and what the special occasion is.
I like doing projects and incorporating them into my cleaning schedule. It's sort of a little game that I play. I'll clean for a set about of time or do a set amount of tasks and then I'll work on another part of my project. So, I hope that this will also help me with my cleaning.

Well.. sitting here typing out my blog isn't exactly cleaning I guess ;-) I have to get some of that done before AJ's WIC appointment this afternoon. We also might be traveling to Gainesville this evening but it isn't for sure just yet. Tata

I took the trip to visit my grandparents today. I took AJ, Bryan, Robert, and Jonathan with me. I wish that Michael would have been able to go but there was no room left in the car.

I saw my stepfather's house, the place where he was found, the place that he went to everyday to make sure he was ok, where he went shopping, and we even met his "roommate" who Bryan was going to beat up... and we were finally able to get him to leave. Apparently, he wasn't a room mate but just a leech that was taking advantage of him and helping him find ways to drink.

We spent a good portion of the afternoon listening to my grandparents telling us about his life from the moment we left up until the moment that he was found. I'm not sure what I put in my other post, but my mother misunderstood some of the information. Apparently, he went missing last Thursday and was found on Monday. They have known all week, but were waiting to tell us because they wanted to tell us what killed him. They were unable to tell us though because toxicology reports can sometimes take months.

I do have to say that I did come back tonight feeling better than when I left this morning. I know that he saw the pictures of AJ. We aren't sure if he ever did get to watch my wedding video. Apparently, he was very adamant about not watching it until he was able to get the sound working so that he could hear everything that I was saying. I do wish that I would have been able to tell him that the sound isn't going to work but the video sucks.. but hopefully.. he gave in and watched it. I don't know though, and I am at peace with him seeing just the pictures.

It was nice to spend time with my grandparents and talk to them. Really it was like ten years hadn't just passed and they saw us just yesterday. It was really nice though! I'm thankful that I was able to follow through with my decision to go see them on such short notice. I hope that when it comes time for the funeral the rest of his family won't hold grudges.

Yesterday, through out the day I was plagued with thoughts of my stepfather. Things that he had done that he shouldn't have. Memories of his alcoholism... and of times when we were happy. I kept thinking to myself, why am I thinking about him? What brought it on? I was actually going to call my mom and talk to her, but I wasn't feeling well and decided to take a nap instead.


Now... I don't know the reasoning behind my thoughts yesterday. But, today, my mother called to give me news about him. I didn't know it was coming either.

My stepfather went missing on Thursday, he's done this before, but no one tells us because we aren't in contact with him. Apparently, he hadn't gotten a hold of his alcoholism. He was still doing things like drinking mouthwash and getting other people to buy alcohol for him. On Thursday, he told his roommate that he was going for a walk, which wasn't out of the ordinary for him. He didn't return, which was. They found him yesterday, close to his house, in a bush. They've done an autopsy but that won't be back for a little while. What they think happened is that he was drinking, went for a walk... maybe went for a walk to drink but I believe his roommate knew he wasn't suppose to drink... He may have gotten sleepy and laid down in the bush to sleep, where he passed away.

Some people would say good riddance because of the things in his past. I don't feel that way. I feel horrible. This man that I called my daddy for a long time died a lone in a bush. His alcoholism was so bad that help from other people didn't work. I wish that he were able to have kicked that habit... that I would have been more open to talking to him. I harbored resentment for a long time. I should have let that go, and let him see his grandson. He never asked though, and I pray to God that he got those pictures that I sent to him just a few weeks ago. My heart and mind need to know that he saw those pictures, but I'm afraid to call my grandparents. I tried to call them once before, but someone who sounded like my grandfather said that there was no one by that name there.

I guess what this post comes down to is... no matter what this man's past was... I am mourning his death.

Sickness, Weirdness and Sadness

Sickness: I have a cold. Thank you AJ! I don't know how he got his but it seems to have stuck me 10x harder than it did him. I have a constant headache... something crazy is my whole mouth hurts too. My neck and lower back hurt. Basically everything hurts. I can't breathe, and my eyes are watery. I also have a cough that doesn't help when I feel the need to cough. I hope hope hope it goes away very very soon.

Weirdness: I just read an article about a woman who is not in ICU because of her 6th revirgination. And... she was doing it for her husband every year for their anniversary. Comeon... one maybe two times I guess I can understand, but SIX times?!? Why does your husband need to deflower you every year? She also went into this last surgery knowing that it could make her sick, but she did it anyway. Some people are crazy!

Sadness: My Papa has been given about 8 to 9 months left to live. As sad as this makes me to say it.. I don't think that it will be that long. They have not done a scan of his brain, and honestly I think his cancer has spread there. They have found his cancer in his stomach and also has grown more in his adrenal gland (I think). We are celebrating father's day with him on Sunday. My family has never celebrated father's day together.. and while it has not been said.. I think that they are doing this because this will probably be his last father's day with us.

I can't even fathom how my Nana feels. Being forced to watch your husband die in front of your own eyes. It take a strong woman to do that, and she is taking steps to make sure that she is there for him at all times. She's decided that she'll be quitting her job. I think that would probably be what I would do if I were in the same situation and if I were financially able to do that. Aaron says that the feelings are different between old people and young people. I don't think that I agree though. I think that the feeling would be the same... and not necessarily stronger either way. I would think that an old couple that has been together along time would have the same feelings as a couple who has been together only a short amount of time. The young couple is freshly and probably fiercely in love. The older couple has probably become use to having one another around, to the point where it would be hard to imagine a life without one another. Either way it would be losing someone that you love dearly, and no matter the age no one should downplay the hurt.

I don't like that we've been given a time frame. In a way, I'm grateful that we know, but now it feels like we'll be counting down. We'll be watching for him to get worse and looking at the calendar saying.. yep it's about that time. My Papa is not the only grandfather that I have, but he is the one that I'm closest with.

I don't like going to see him. When I walk through the doors of the nursing home the smell makes me feel sick to my stomach. I've actually been to a nursing home when I was younger that smelled of uring and other nastiness. This one doesn't smell like that.. but it's a smell I can't describe, maybe it is in my head. As I walk down the hallway to his room, I see a wheelchair-bound person in most of the doorways just sitting there staring at me. I try to smile at each one of them, but my heart start to hurt thinking about what happens when we get old. My Papa usually gives me a smile and a hug when I walk into his room, that is... if he is feeling well enought and is awake. The last time I went to see him, I brought my laptop and the dvd of my wedding. Even though the sound is horrible and I knew he wouldn't be able to hear it, I thought that he would have liked to see it. He kept telling me he wished he could go, and then I felt bad for not having a wedding that my grandfather could have gone too. He also would be talking to me but out of nowhere would stop... you'd see his eyes just zone out... his lips would still be moving but no sound would come out... and then he'd look at me like I was suppose to be answering his question. He did that about every 5 minutes that I was there.. and after about 45 minutes I couldn't take it anymore. The horrible person that I am.. I told him that I loved him, I gave him a hug, and I told him that he was very tired and probably needed to go to sleep now... he agreed and I left. I should have spent more time with him, but I am scared to death of seeing him like that. Zoning out, swollen hands, arms, feet, and legs... he's keeps falling out of bed, and so they put him in a mattress with sides on it.. he thinks it is his coffin. It's not right... no one should have to live like that. On the verge of dying and losing their mind from their pain and disease... I don't understand why my uncle wants all this medical intervention. He is fighting to keep someone alive who is being eaten away by cancer. It's inhumane.

Don't get me wrong... I don't want my Papa to die. If I had my choice... he wouldn't.. but I don't want him to live in pain with a disease that cannot be cured. Maybe I don't understand the medical aspects of it all, maybe I don't understand what his children are going through, maybe I'm ignorant or stupid... but I just know that I love him so much and it hurts me to think that I can't even go see him because I'm scared to see him die. He came so close that one night... and it was frightening... I tried to be strong and calm that night, but I can't do it again.

It is enough to make you wonder why God would allow this to happen. Some people say that it is sin and Satan that causes the bad. It's just that good people and even bad people.. they should suffer when they die. Because all it causes is suffering in the people who have to watch it.

The Challenge

Apparently, my husband thinks that I don't do much while he is away at work but sit at my mother's house and play on the computer.

Honestly, I am over at my mother's house quite often while he is at work, but I do have a good reason! My AC was not working at all... and I couldn't stand to be in the heat anymore. I am not one to sweat normally, but staying at my house would result in sweat dripping down my body. I don't know how guys can handle it. Its sticky and gross and feels like bugs crawling all over you.

One of Aaron's coworkers came over last night to look at the AC. Last year we were told that we had a leak and it would cost more than we had at that time. Through Aaron's boss' generousity he had sent his AC guy to our house to refill our freon. Maybe it was because AJ was only a couple of months old and he felt bad, maybe it was under the impression that Aaron would work more.. I don't know but it was really nice and while we knew it would not last long we did not expect for it to last as long as it did. I would say probably two months ago it started to not work again. So, yes, we've gone about two months without AC. We were able to borrow a window unit to put in our bedroom which we have been sharing with our son to escape the heat. Well his coworker ended up finding out that we do not have leak but that the person who had installed the AC did it wrong. I was taking care of AJ during the time, but I got the gist that it was something like they blocked off the vent that sucks the air in making the compressor work harder than it should which was evaporating the freon. Don't quote me on that though lol. Good news is that he says the fix should be simple, bad news he didn't have the time or the supplies to do it right then. He did put in a little bit of freon so that we could have a cooler house, and he and Aaron will work on it on Aaron's next day off.

Anyway, my title says something about a challenge? Yep... Aaron and I were talking about me trying to get a job for the summer. I was suppose to get a call by today about a job and I didn't. It was for a bowling alley and I was pretty sure I would get it, but he did say that they tend to hire more teenagers. Oh well... I'm back to looking for another job. I actually didn't purposely not look for a job while I was waiting to hear from them, it was just that a lot was going on these past few days. Anyway... back on track... somehow the topic got to how our house hasn't been the cleanest lately, and that's why I was explaining on about the AC... it has been way to hot to even get up and clean. Aaron did some cleaning before his coworker came over and he was dripping with sweat.. he was determined though... and I am not especially because it was so hot.

We had gotten onto the subject of how I was sitting on the computer last night while he was cleaning and taking care of the baby. Really, it wasn't as bad as he made it sound... I wasn't just sitting on the computer. I was out running errands and shopping for things that Aaron asked for. So, he basically implied that since he is out working all the time and I am not at the moment, I should not be at my mother's house relaxing but doing my "womanly duties." Don't go getting mad at him though... I believe it is true. If I'm not working, and he is, I should be taking care of the house and our child. I already take care of our child... it is housework that I hate with a passion. Hating my house and lack of storage space doesn't help either.

Aaron's challenge:
Making sure that our bills our paid solely on his income until I can find a job or August comes back around and I get my sub job back. It really isn't as easy as he thinks. I am not too sure that he makes enough money to pay all of our bills... but he is sure that he can and I will trust him.

My challenge:
I am determined to make him see that I can be a "housewife". I think my challenge will be far harder than his because that is not the type of person I am. Like I just said... I hate housework. I can find a thousand other things to do than to clean my house. It doesn't help that AJ follows me around messing up things that I just cleaned up to the point where I end up giving up and just leaving it. Also, we have a teeny unwelcomed critter living in our house that is a smart little shit. I have tried numerous traps to get things freaking mouse out of our house... and they haven't worked. There have been a couple of times that I was picking something up and I see that freaking thing scurry, and it scares the shit out of me, and then I'm too creeped out to continue cleaning. BUT... if you know my husband you know that he doesn't say whats on his mind until it is bugging him to death. So, I know that even when he is joking about something like this it isn't actually a joke and he means what he says. He wants me to clean and take care of our child. I am determined to make him happy and if that will do it, then I will do it.

I'm not giving up my job search though.. and once I get a job... I'm not doing it all. It that aspect I don't think that just the woman should take care of the "womanly duties". If the woman is working and the man is working both should have to take care of the house.. which means it will go back to how it was before ;-)

Oh my gosh.. this summer has gotten real boring real quick. Nothing is happening too much on the internet. I guess everyone is out doing stuff.

AJ and I went out to eat at CiCis and to the beach yesterday. We went to the beach later in the evening because I had a job interview, and then I was hungry.

This elderly couple came up to me a few times while I was eating and told me how much of a young gentleman AJ is. Then before they left they came back up to me and told me they were watching me the whole time and that I'm a wonderful mother. It was kinda creepy, but really nice to hear.

We went to the beach for about an hour. AJ is not a little boy but a fish. He runs straight to the water, and I try to sit him right where the water just starts. Nope, he doesn't want that. He starts crawling in even after the waves are over his head. He just laughed about it. Crazy boy! I was so afraid that the waves were going to take him in though because they were strong and he would start falling foward as the waves were going back out. We collected sea shells for a little bit. At first AJ must have thought I was putting sand in the bucket because he was just throwing handful of sand in there, but after a little while he started to pick the shells out of the sand. He really is a smart boy.

A tip if you want to find a good beach that isn't too crowded and is pretty cheap. Sand Key Park is great. The parking is metered but its a dollar per hour which really isn't that bad. The water isn't brown but sort of greenish. It gets deep pretty quickly. It's right next to Clearwater Beach but it isn't packed like Clearwater Beach. Not to long ago we went to Indian Rocks Beach but that sand was sort of dirty and it didn't feel like there was a lot of beach between the parking lot and the water.

Anyway, I think between the beach and walking back to the car, AJ might have gotten a chill. He had a fever late last night, and also woke up with one. Right now he doesn't have one but I just gave him some tylenol. If it comes back I'll probably take him to the doctor. My mother is upset with me because he got salt water in his ears. WHAT? Sand and water gets everywhere when you're at the beach.. what am I suppose to do?

Oh well, still haven't gotten the pictures from Las Vegas off of my camera. I've been lazy about that, and I have to look for the wire that lets me do all of that. I think it is in my laptop case, but I haven't had the interest to look yet.

Looking forward... womanly stuff

So... I'm married. I'm looking forward to changing my name. I'm looking forward to being called Mrs. Fleek. And.. I'm looking forward to having another baby.

I'm not pregnant though, but we took a big step toward that. In January I want to the gyno after having my girl thing for around three weeks. They didn't do anything, and it stopped by itself. I was offered birth control but I declined it, and let her know that we wanted to get pregnant and soon. Well three months and many pregnancy tests later, Aunt Flo decided she didn't want to visit me anymore, and I went back to the doctor so that we could figure out why. I was sent to get my hormones tested with the results of nothing. Aunt Flo still did not appear, so I was sent to get another hormone test and blood pregnancy test. Man oh man was I hoping that test was positive, but sadly it wasn't, and my hormone test came back fine.

The next step was to start Provera. In April I started taking Provera for 10 days and then in acouple days Aunt Flo was back for a visit. The hopes for Provera was that I would take it for the ten days and it would kick start my body into producing my hormones correctly. And then towards the end of May, I started thinking about taking Provera again because they gave me three months worth just in case. I didn't want to start it when I was getting ready to leave to get married so my plan was to come back and start my pills.

You probably guessed it... Aunt Flo decided she would visit while I was on vacation. Luckily, she came the night before we were leaving to come home. So, even though she was late... my body started by itself which is definitely a step in the right direction. So, this cycle I could either... get pregnant, get my period,.. or fall back into needing the medicine. I would prefer either of the first two.

In other news though... I have a job interview for tomorrow. It's for a birthday coordinator at the bowling alley. It would be very awesome to get this job. I'm sure it doesn't pay too well, but it sounds like a fun summer job. I'm really hoping that I get this job because I do need to have an income. I guess I'll let you know tomorrow if I got the job... that is if they tell me tomorrow.

What changed?

So, I don't think I explained what I changed about my wedding. If you didn't figure it out, it was my dress and shoes. I had my wedding dress and shoes all ready to go when at the last minute I decided I wanted something much more fun. Really I made the decision when I was out shopping for my mom's dress and I saw it hanging on the wall. I just knew that that dress was the one that I wanted to be married in. I was very happy when they had a size that would fit me, even if the smallest size that they had was still a little too big. It was ok though, my boobs held it up ;-)

So, the question of the week seems to be "How does it feel to be married?" I get that question everytime I see someone who knows I got married. Honestly, it really doesn't feel any different. I've lived with Aaron for so long, and we have a child.. we were practically married anyway. I do slip up sometimes and still call him my boyfriend. That is the only wierd part, calling him my husband. I haven't used my new name because I haven't changed my name on any official paperwork. I think that when I do get my official marriage license and get to change my name that it might be a little wierd then too.

Other than all that, I'm not doing too much. I'm trying to find a summer job. I just started filling out applications today. I'm not being too picky so I hope to find something soon.

Continuation

So here is what else we did on our vacation (pictures as soon as I get my camera back from my mom).

Wednesday, June 3rd:

I woke up early and took AJ to breakfast with Aaron's mom and sister because Aaron didn't want to see them. We ate at the hotel's buffet and we had a good time. My mom went gambling for a little while but ended up joining us for breakfast. After breakfast, my mom took AJ to the pool with Aaron's family. I went back to the room to wake up Aaaron.
We went to a timeshare presentation for 2 hours because they offered free tickets to go see a show of our choice and dinner for free if we just went to the presentation. We knew we weren't going to get a timeshare, but it isn't a bad idea for later in life when I have a better job.
We ended up choosing to see a show for later that night called Bite.

Bite - This erotic and sensual topless revue revolves around Lord Vampire and his search for the perfect female specimen. Throughout the show, audience members will be chosen to be part of the adventure.


After the presentation we went and ate McDonalds, and went back to the room and took a nap. After our nap we got up and got ready to go. Rode the bus to the stratosphere and ate dinner there. I felt so sick though. The McDonalds had not gone well with my stomach. The fries were soooo salty that my hand was covered in salt. So, at the buffet I ended up drinking a ton of water and diet coke, and I ate a salad. Of course Aaron wasn't affected by the McDonalds and was able to eat 4 huge platefuls. After dinner we went outside to smoke because Aaron didn't want to smoke inside the casino, and it was very windy. So windy infact that it blew the envelope containing our Bite tickets out of my purse. Aaron was able to run after it and catch it. It was a very scary moment, and I ended up laughing hysterically after we walked back with the tickets. After dinner we still had about an hour before the show, so we went around the casino playing some of the slots. I played on just $1.00 for about 45 min. I won probably $5.00 on the penny slot that I was playing, but I chose to continue playing and lost it all. After those 45 minutes though, I was rather bored, and ready for the show to start seating.
We were seated for the show right up front, and there were people in cloaks walking around taking pictures, which we did end up buying because they were good. The show was very good too. Yes, there were times where it was topless, but that just makes it better lol. It wasn't like a strip show though. You could tell that the girls were trained in ballet and some in tumbling. The music was awesome! And there were "fliers" - two people a husband and wife who swung around on a rope. And another girl who did the whole suspended and twirlies on the two long ribbons, like Cirque de soliel.
After the show we went to the bar and got a drink for each of us and walked back to the hotel. One of the great things about Las Vegas is that there are coupons everywhere for buy one get one drinks, also there are ladies walking around the casino passing out drinks too.
After we got back we were very tired and just crashed.

Thursday, June 4th -
I woke up pretty early and went to my mom's room. My mom, AJ, and I went downstairs to the buffet and ate breakfast, and afterwards my mom went back to her room and I farted around in the casino on some of the slots. After that I went back to my room woke Aaron up and had him watch AJ so my mom and I could spend some time together. We were going to go see a comedy show, but the coupons that we got were expired. My mom and I ended up going across the street to the Riviera and played on some of the casinos there. She won 5 bucks on a penny slot. I won 10 bucks off of a black jack machine. Then we went to a souvenier shop so she could buy some shirts for my brothers. We stopped back at the Riviera and played a little bit more in the casino. I won another 10 bucks on a black jack machine. Then we went back to the hotel.
Aaron and I got ready for the other show that we were going to see that night. It was the Love Cirque de Soleil. We took a bus to Mirage, played a little in thier casino, but we didn't win anything there. The Mirage's buffet was really expensive so we went across the street to Harrah and ate at there buffet. It was the best buffet that I have ever eaten at. They had a ton of seafood which is what I really wanted to eat.
After the buffet, Aaron was out of cigarettes and wanted to find a store to buy some at. We walked for ever and I was starting to get cranky. We actually ended up having a small arguement and wasting even more time. After finally finding a store we were going to be late to the show so we took a taxi back. The show was interesting. Aaron liked it, but I don't know much about the beatles. It's beyond my time. I knew some of the songs, but the stuff that was going on during it was crazy. I didn't really understand it, but apparently Aaron did.
After the show we went back to the hotel so I could change. I was really uncomfortable. Then we went to a place called Slots of Fun and played on some of the slots there. Aaron played on a penny Elvis slot and won $40 bucks. I didn't do well. He bought us these HUGE drinks. We walked back to the Stratosphere because we had free tickets to go up to their tower. It was awesome.. very very high. We even went on this one ride up there, I can't remember what it was called, but you sit in these seats which a harnest over your shoulders, and it shoots you up and then drops you down. OMG, I love those rides! This one was really scarey because this was the very top of the Stratosphere and you could see the curve of the earth. I wasn't allowed to wear my glasses so everything was really blurry, but it was still cool.
After the ride we left, and I'm amazed that with how much Aaron and I drank we didn't thow up lol. On the way home Aaron picked up magazines at everything stand that was selling their prostitutes so that he could put a huge stack on his boss' desk at work. We ended up taking a bus the rest of the way to the hotel and crashed as soon as we hit the bed.

Friday, June 5th -
My mom woke me up early for check out. She paid for late check out in her room because we weren't leaving until later in the evening, and it made no sense for us to have late check out as well because we could just store our things in her room. Aaron didn't wake up until the last minute, and after the room was cleaned out and we were checked out, Aaron and I went to the Advenuturedom in our hotel. We rode most of the rides there, and then went with my mom and AJ to the hotel's buffet. After we had lunch, Aaron, AJ, and I went back up to the room for a nap. Late check out is at 6:00 pm so, when we woke up we went to check and see if the bell hop area would store our bags, which they did. We did a little bit of last minute souvenier shopping before our shuttle to the airport arrived at 7:30. At the airport my mom decided to try the slots one more time, and won 40 bucks. By that time though, my mom and I were at each others throats and weren't really talking.


So, all in all, it was very busy. I wish that we could have stayed long, and I think we'll definitely have to go back for another vacation there. There was still so much that we haven't seen or done.

*yawn*

My body is so thrown off right now that I'm yawning even though I'm very awake. So, anyway... what have I been doing since I've been back home? Planning our next vacation that's what. I should be unpacking... I should be cleaning... but I'm not. Aaron has told me where he wants to go on vacation next... so I've been pricing it out to see how much it might possibly cost so we can start saving. He would like to go to Cedar Point in Ohio.. and he has been there before, but I have not. We've also talked about going back to Las Vegas. Someone told me while we were there that only 8% of people visit Las Vegas a second time... I'm not sure why though. I would have thought it would be a lot more than that. I mean, we were there for 5 days and didn't even cover half of the strip... there was so much more that we did not have time to do... so many more shows to see.

Anyway.. I sure did have a lot of fun. Lets see if I can get through some of the things we did:

Monday, June 1st: We left for the airport at 11:30 am. Our plane left Tampa at 2:15 and we got into Atlanta around 3:45. We had a very long layover at Atlanta where we walked around and ate a little bit. We did not leave Atlanta until about 7:50 because our flight was delayed, which meant that we did not get to Las Vegas until about 9:30. And yes there is a three hour time difference making our last flight around 4 1/2 hours AJ was an angel the whole time... I love my boy! After getting to Las Vegas we found that the suitcases that we borrowed from my mom's friend was ripped, and Delta said that they don't cover minor tears. We ended up taking a shuttle to our hotel because it was cheaper getting rounds trip tickets than a one way taxi ride. Sucky part.... it took the stupid shuttle operator an hour to get us to our hotel... on the way back from the hotel to the airport it took 15 min... we didn't get to the hotel until around 11:00 pm. We had planned on going and getting our marriage lisence that night but by the time we got to our hotel room it was getting too late even though they closed at 12:00 am. We got to our rooms which were on the 13 floor our room was 1366 and my mom's was across the hall at 1367. My mom wanted some beer so Aaron and I decided to take a walk and look around. We walked forever wondering why the street we were on sucked balls lol. Turns out we weren't on the strip but behind it. We did find a store though... cigarettes were $8 bucks a pack! Aaron called the store a bodega. I guess that's a store that obviously makes more money on drugs than anything else because there store consisted of a can of ravioli, a few beers, a couple packs of cigarettes, and empty boxes where candy should have been. We got back to the hotel and found out that we had to pay for the internet, and cable tv. But, it didn't really matter at that point because we were very tired.

Tuesday, June 2nd: My mom called us early to tell us to get up so we could go get our marriage license. It took a little bit because I had to figure out of the bus went to the license bureau. After a little bit of digging I found out that the bus goes really close to it, but we would still have to walk a little way. So, we got on the bus, walked to the license bureau, filled out the paperwork, and paid for the license and it was all done pretty quickly. According to our map there was a casino near by that had a buffet so we decided to walk there and get lunch. We walked a very long way trying to figure out where this casino was and why we couldn't find it. Considering it is a very tall building you would have thought that it would have been easier, but apparently we walked the wrong way. We got to a cross section that was the same as were the casino was, but it was the wrong one. Why the have two of the same sections in one area I'll never figure out, but we ended up walking to the Stratosphere to eat lunch at their buffet. Aaron figures we probably walked about 4 or 5 miles. We ate a really good brunch and caught the bus back to our hotel. We took a small nap and started to get ready. Our wedding was suppose to be at 6 pm the limo was suppose to arrive at 5:30. So, at about 3:00 I started to get ready. Showered, dried and straightened my hair. I went to get my necklace and earrings and found out that my ring had fallen out of the holder and had fallen apart. So, my mom ended up paying for the internet so that I could get the instructions on how to put it back together. By that time we were starting to be crunched for time because I wanted to curl my hair, and I still had to put it up. I started to curl my hair, but I was getting mad because the curls kept falling out, and I gave up, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out anyway. So, all of us were ready waiting down stairs for the limo when I get a call from the limo driver telling us that he is stuck behind an accident and was going to be late. Luckily though, he wasn't too late and got us to the chapel on time. We got to the chapel and filled out the marriage license and I was taken into the bridal room to get dressed. You can see the wedding video at www.asmvideo.com look up the last name Fleek. The wedding ended up being pretty funny and I wouldn't change it even if I could. It wouldn't be our wedding if everything went perfecty.. there had to be some humor, and it is just fitting that Aaron was the one that messed up. His blowing out the wrong candle made us laugh the whole rest of the ceremony, and then watching it to see AJ walking out on us is even funnier! Like I said, I think that our wedding is perfect and I wouldn't change it for anything. When we got back to the hotel after the wedding my mom took AJ to dinner, but Aaron and I decided to go to the hotel's buffet anyway which is where she was. We did eat at seperate tables though. After that we went upstairs to change, but ended up falling asleep. We still had jet lag and at that time even though it was early in Las Vegas it was still pretty late here in Florida. I think it was about 9:00 there and that would make it 12:00 am here and we had woken up early and had a long day. I kept waking up through out the night because our only window was facing a wall that had a spotlight underneath it which made it look like it was light out all the time.


I'll finish up the rest of the vacation later. AJ is kinda cranky, so I need to go take care of that!

Waiting

My oh my... it has been so busy and exhausting here in Las Vegas. The silly part is that I wish we didn't have to leave. It is awesome spending so much time with Aaron, walking down the strip with so many things going on around you, but mostly... walking down the strip with so many things going on around me with my husband holding my hand and talking about everything is the best.
Gambling really isn't our thing. Aaron did win 40 bucks on a slot machine, that was pretty cool... and it was an Elvis slot machine lol. Maybe if we had brought quite a bit more money we could have played cards, but that will have to be another trip. I loved the shows... we were able to see two while we were here, and we did some other stuff.. I'll write about it when I get home.
Right now I'm waiting for Aaron to wake up from his nap so that we can go get some souveniers for people and then we leave at 7:30 for the airport :-(

I'll have to make this one quick because I should be cleaning and packing. I'm leaving on Monday!!! I'm so excited.

I've changed a lot of my ideas for my wedding this past week, but you'll have to watch the video to figure out what: http://www.asmvideo.com/

That video will be ready somewhere around June 2 at 6:00 pm PST and up to 30 days after.

Anyway, so far I've borrowed some suitcases, done some laundry, gotten my toes and nails done, gotten my eyebrows and lip waxed (OMG that one hurt like a b*tch), and bought some stuff. Now I just need to do more laundry, clean the house, and actually pack, and I'm sure that I'll have to go shopping for somethings that I may have forgotten. I also need to pay the rent before we leave.

Anyway, I need to get to that as it is getting late. Hope you get to watch the video. Last name is Fleek for those from my message board!

Time is going so fast... it seems like just yesterday I was thinking about leaving for Las Vegas in a MONTH... now its less than 2 WEEKS! I feel so very far behind, but there isn't much I can do about it right now.

I need to make sure that all of the bills are paid, along with the rent for June.
I need to make sure that my house is in good order for my wonderful house sitter Lisa. I need to pack. I need to make sure that there is some sort of food for Lisa in this house. I need to call the airplane people and have them move my seats so that we are actually sitting next to each other. I still need to work. I have to figure out how I'm going to exactly take my wedding dress on the plane with me. I have to figure out how I'm going to wear my hair. I have to figure out my makeup. I could probably make the list go on and on and on.

Good news is all of the announcements are done and sent out, and I don't have to worry about it anymore. I love making cards. I like to show my creativity, and I love to see the look on someones face when they find out that I made it myself. This time though, it felt very frustrating. I felt like I did not have a place to work on them, so I ended up putting it off for awhile.
Hopefully, in the near future, I will have a little spot in my own HOUSE.. yep I said it, we are thinking about moving and we have our eyes on somehting.. anyway my own spot for my craft things. That way I don't feel like there is no one for anything. This place is so small, and there isn't enough storage.

Anyway, AJ went to a super hero birthday party this weekend. He dressed up as Spawn. I made his costume in 12 hours, so its not the best looking, but Aaron practically insisted that he be Spawn.





This is my absolute favorite picture of AJ at the moment:



And here is the birthday boy, he was running up the playground ramp: