Heather and I went to the beach with our boys on Saturday. We had loads and fun, and as I always promise but never deliver... I will post pictures, I really do have to find my camera cord.

While the beach was fun, and I got a lot of exercise from digging holes in the sand, and I did get a wee bit of sunburn... my day over all on Saturday was a stinker!

I went to my mother's house to finish doing her laundry and decided that while I was waiting for it to dry, I would take AJ with me to go visit my Papa since the hospice is so close to my mother's house.

Here is a picture of my Papa with AJ in January after we found out his cancer came back. If any one feels charitable and can make this picture look better so I can frame it, I would be forever grateful!!! I have tweaked it, so if you want the original I can supply it!



He looked bad. He's lost a lot of weight. He literally was all skin and bones. His eyes hadn't been shut in awhile, so they were putting goop on it to keep it healthy. He also was not entirely responsive.

I turned on Disney channel for AJ, which happened to be playing his favorite movie which was a life saver. I talked to Papa about my car, since he use to always ask me about it, I talked about going to the beach, and AJ swimming, and just about stupid everyday stuff. I had seen an empty vase and told him that it was a shame that it was empty and I would make sure that I brought him some flowers for his vase the next morning. He also was facing a balloon that AJ gave him a few weeks ago. Even though we thought he probably couldn't seen anymore, it always looked like he was staring at that balloon. So, I talked to him about the balloon. Eventually, AJ started to get antsy and try to leave the room. I told Papa that I would be back in the morning and that I love him, and then I turned the TV to a movie and I left.

I went back to my mom's house to finish the laundry. By the time I left it was almost 11:00 pm and while I was passing the street that the hospice was on, I felt like I should turn and go check on my Papa, make sure the tv hadn't been turned off, stuff like that. I told myself no, that I was tired and should get home. I stopped to see Aaron at work and was talking to him when my mother called me.

At 11:01 pm August 1st, 2009, my Papa passed away. I had been hoping that his pain would end for some time now, but I guess I wasn't totally ready to let him go. I actually take comfort that I was the last family member to see him alive. I kick myself for not turning to go check on him, because then he would have had someone in the room with him while he passed, but it could be possible that he wanted to be alone for that. I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks before Saturday. I had felt really guilty about that. He just looked so bad, and I didn't like to be there when someone else was because I hated having someone listen to me talk to him. I'm so happy that I was able to see him one last time... and maybe this is just wishful thinking... hopeful thinking that I maybe I was important to him enough that he waited to see me one last time.