Not much has really been going on besides the death of my stepfather. His funeral is on Friday, and everything about it is starting to annoy me. First, that my mother chose her pastor when I think it is completely inappropriate. Second, that she wants me to help write "nice things" about a man that I haven't known in over ten years and can barely remember when he and our family was happy. Yes, I know that this post sounds a lot different from the last one, but my emotions have flipped I think.
I don't hate him anymore, but honestly my memories of him are not great. Memories that are good.. I can't even say if they are truely memories or stories that I've been told. Not even my mother can think of anything... she called to ask if I was baptised with him. Um... no, lol.
I don't really know how I feel anymore. I know that I feel bad that some people die unnoticed. I feel bad that he died wrapped up in his alcoholism and alone. I feel bad for his family who either tried their hardest to help him or didn't even get to know him at all. I hope that he didn't die in pain, and I know that where he is is much better for him than he could ever have here on earth. I just can't say anything nice about him, and it makes me feel bad.
Another thing is that I got another job interview for a movie store. The interview is right after the funeral. Well, not right after but with driving back and if my grandparents want to eat.. we might have a hard time getting back in time. I did tell the person that I'm interviewing with what I'm going to do, so I hope that she understands if I'm a little late, but I doubt she will... and that will be just another thing to hold against him.
Anyway.. my blog has gone from happy to angsty and I'm sorry about that... maybe soon it will go back to normal...